To be, or not to be

If I didn’t do what I did, what would I have done?

I am currently a first year undergrad studying political science-international relations. What I hope to achieve from this major is a solid career path with international business or working for underdeveloped nations. I chose this path in life because it was interesting to me and also because I found it financially stable for the long run. But what if I told you what I really wanted to do with my life? What if I said I wanted to be a graphic designer, an animator, cinematographer, writer or photographer? The truth is, I secretly want to be all those things. So what the hell am I doing studying politics in college!?

My greatest fear in life is having to commit to a career that makes me feel unsatisfied or unhappy. I want to be able to go to college and learn something I truly feel passionate about. I want to take my education and build a career out of it, one that is enjoyable and satisfying. Deep down, I feel the urge to be an artist. A problem solver who is both creative and colorful. But the idea of money keeps holding me back. Money defines my financial stability, so I have been told. You see, without a good paycheck, I would be greatly unhappy. Scratch that, I would be flat out miserable. Society has told me that to find happiness, I must study something in school that will give me a better chance in finding a job that’s well-paying. Probably unsatisfying but as always, well-paying. So I ask myself this question every night before I go to sleep, “If I didn’t do what I did, what would I have done”?

Out of the many professions listed above, I would also add hair-stylist. I have a great admiration for hair-stylists mainly for two reasons. My goal in life is to find a certain someone who understands and respects my hair. I take great pride in seeking a stylists who knows what to do with my mess of curls. I also consider a hair-stylist as the most trustworthy artist you will ever have the privilege of commissioning. Hair defines people, their personality, physical appearance, confidence and character. To cut and mold someones hair takes extreme trust and responsibility. Thats why I believe a great hair-stylist is equivalent to a world-renowned surgeon. So even with the low pay, why do hair-stylists do what they do? Maybe this little video will help answer that question:

Like mosts nights, I will ask myself this question again, “If I didn’t do what I did, what would I have done”? I will contemplate this question in my head over and over again until it gives me anxiety. I will rethink my life goals on finding success and happiness and then I will say to myself, “What ever you do, don’t ask this question to yourself 5, 10 or 20 years from now. Just make it count today”. Tonight, I will think about those barbers and their barber shops. About the lessons of being a true artist, a risk taker, a dreamer or soul-searcher. I will keep looking for myself and doubting my every move in life. And when I hear myself asking, “Are you happy now?” and reply with a cautious “No”, I will know to keep looking. To be an artist means to reshape societies instructions of how to find happiness. Instructions on how to gain money, property or vanities. Being a hair-stylist, animator, graphic designer or photographer means accepting the challenges of instability or answering questions with a simple “I have no idea”. But the first step is accepting the person you want to become. This is the step I am still currently on.

– The Paintress

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